Letterman: Irrelevant, Old Bald Purveyor of Porn? Or Jesus Christ? Or Justa Creep?

By now you've probably heard of how David Letterman, the guy who works the graveyard shift pushing porn on CBS television, made a lascivious remark about Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's 14-year-old daughter.

To recap, Letterman remarked during his nightly rant that the young woman, who was attending a New York Yankees game with her mom, got pregnant during the 7th inning by a Yankees baseball player.

Hah, Hah, Hah. Boy that is a knee slapper!

Stop, stop please I can't stand any more. My sides hurt from laughing so much. Oh, man, that Letterman is just too much!

Actually, I haven't watched Letterman in at least two decades now, because I have what I believe to be a somewhat sophisticated sense of humor and I haven't laughed at what he considers comedy since the 5th grade. I also have an aversion to laughing at others instead of funny situations.

Letterman ceased to be relevant years ago, and the last I saw of him he was doing his best to convince the tourists and groupies who come to his show that he still represents all the best of Manhattan Island.

Maybe he does, but that doesn't say much about Manhattan does it? I thought the street-walking prostitutes and seedy porn shops were pushed out of Times Square back in Rudy Giuliani's administration. Apparently they have seeped back in and infiltrated the entertainment "houses" as well.

Apparently this so called "joke" was supposed to be told to a group of hairy knuckled Neanderthals in the men's room while commercials were playing, but instead, reading from a teleprompter because he has no mind or abilities of his own, Letterman told it to his vast and ever increasing audience of ignoramuses and dolts.

Mrs. Palin, to her credit, immediately slammed Letterman for being lewd, crude and stupid and demanded an apology for her daughter and all young women, based on her belief that people should not be making light of statutory rape. Letterman responded that he wasn't talking about Mrs. Palin's 14-year-old daughter, he was talking about her 18-year-old daughter - who wasn't at the game.

Oh, I get it now. That makes it all better! Right? Let's demoralize and marginalize older teen girls rather than younger teen girls because they should have at least a year or two of innocence before they find out on their own that the world is full of scum like Letterman.

(FYI to my readers: Outraged non-fans are planning a protest organized by New York State Assemblyman Brian Kolb, attorney Gwendolyn Lindsay-Jackson, and radio talk show host John Ziegler. The Fire David Letterman rally will take place on Tuesday, June 16 at the Ed Sullivan Theater at 4:30 p.m., an hour before the taping of Letterman's show.)

But let's not stop with the jerk who hosts this late-night porn fest. How about his audience of lemmings and myopes who laughed along with him?

Based on the soundtrack of the host's ever so scintillating diatribe, his filthy commentary evoked peels of laughter in the studio. It seems his fans laugh because they don't have the intelligence or the strength of character to at least NOT laugh, much less to stand up and walk out on an imbecile who would hold up young girls - or females of any age - as objects of sexual ridicule and derision.

To some of these fawning, mindless enablers, virtually anything Letterman says or does is fine with them. This is especially true if he is savaging a political figure he doesn't like, such as John McCain who snubbed him during last year's campaign or Mrs. Palin, who is one of his favorite targets. To his most rabid fans, Letterman is a latter-day Jesus Christ, but instead of preaching love and human harmony, he preaches hatred and divisiveness.

In truth, Letterman is far more symbolic of a hate-filled rapper who glorifies drugs, violence and abuse of the female gender than of anything that would leave a positive imprint on humanity. He should be renamed Justa Creep and his show should be put into digital syndication and run at 2:30 a.m. Monday's in rural Siberia. Unfortunately, it is obvious that CBS agrees with him, based on a lack of follow through from the network that employs him.

Oddly enough, it is apparent that he still would retain some of his current viewers even if CBS took my suggestion. To rephrase a favorite line of mine, based on the group-think mentality that would encourage people to support an idiot like Letterman making jokes of this nature, his entire studio audience probably couldn't raise a double-digit IQ if they stood on each other's shoulders.

But I do see some marketing possibilities here. After all, some commentators were saying that Letterman made this perverted comment so he could get some publicity because he is afraid that with Conan O'Brien taking over from Jay Leno, who is moving to a prime time gig, Letterman's ratings will fall to the younger O'Brien.

Well, what the heck, let's go with the flow. Let's get some Letterman T-shirts out there to sell to the pervs waiting to get in to see which minority group will be the object of his next off-color "jokes."

We could start with a silhouette of a male holding his crotch with the slogan "Letterman's Lechers" underneath; or unisex upper body silhouettes with a question mark inside the head where the eyes, nose and mouth would normally appear, over the slogan "Dave's Dimwits," or "Dave's Dupes," or "Dave's Dolts," or "Dave's Dipsticks."

As you can see the possibilities are endless.

Among all the outrage generated by Letterman's intemperate remarks, there were some who said Mrs. Palin shouldn't have responded at all, instead letting others speak for her. Among these was one of my favorite commentators, Charles Krauthammer, who said that her responses only served to meet Letterman's ends - that being increased publicity for his fading star.

I disagree on that point. At a seminar I once attended on strategies for political campaigning an instructor noted that you can rent the biggest billboard at the busiest intersection in your district, but if people think your candidate is a fool, the billboard will simply remind them of this fact every day. The real challenge the instructor said, is to convince voters that your candidate is not a fool.

I believe Letterman is way beyond that point. I think he stooped to such a despicable level because he is crass, crude, bitter, getting older looking every day, and has been working far too long to hide his baldness. He has ceased to be relevant and must stoop to cheap publicity stunts at the expense of the weak and vulnerable to convince himself and his fan base that he still matters.

On this issue, Mrs. Palin was correct in engaging Letterman. Every time she speaks, or Barbara Walters speaks, or Elizabeth Hasselbeck speaks, it just reminds us that the man is a fool, and for him, there is no hope for rehabilitation.