Anyone who watched Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace this week, and still has control of their faculties, saw a Senatorial Pas De Deux featuring supposedly conservative Mississippi Republican Trent Lott, who at times seemed to be drooling over really liberal California Democrat Dianne Feinstein.

If you got through the incessant mutual stroking, er, praise, and actually listened to the words that were coming out of their mouths, and have even an ounce of common sense, you would be horrified to learn that to varying degrees they both support the so-called Fairness Doctrine, a communist-inspired attempt to authorize government control over the national broadcast media, particularly radio.

The Fairness Doctrine, or Un-Fairness Doctrine for the purposes of this column, is a grandiose idea that attempts to circumvent the general public's complete dissatisfaction with liberal talk radio that serves only to endlessly repeat left-wing Democratic party talking points.

Although moderate and conservative talk radio hosts can make a really good living at hosting their own regional or national talk shows, their liberal counterparts have failed dismally, as is best showcased by liberal talk Air America which was listened to at its height only by five winos in a Manhattan study on mind control.

So, to offset the basic common sense exhibited by millions of thinking Americans, some 'geniuses' in Congress want to make it a law that if a radio station airs a wildly successful conservative talk show, they have to offset it with a dismal money losing piece of liberal propaganda from some brain dead lemming who hasn't had an original thought, well, ever. This they call FAIRNESS.

Lott and Feinstein claimed in the Fox News Sunday segment that they are considering this measure because conservative talk radio is driving the debate on immigration. Then these two, US Senators both of them, claim they can't get the REAL word out about immigration 'reform' and other measures they are pushing because conservative talk radio isn't telling the WHOLE story.

This scenario played out recently in the newly turned communist country to our south, Venezuela. Did you see what You-go Chavez did with a public broadcasting station that had the temerity to broadcast more than one point of view. Goodbye freedom of speech, hello riots and death squads.

Feinstein said, and I quote, "Talk radio is overwhelmingly one way," and the only way to rectify what she claims is a gross injustice in the world of political communications is to make it a law that we HAVE to listen to left-wing liberal tripe.

Wrong sister. Talk radio is whatever talk radio wants to be. But talk radio listenership won't support liberal talk radio because most Americans are far more aware of the issues than liberals want to believe and most Americans simply won't tune in to liberal talk radio with any regularity. Thus Feinstein and Lott feel as though they are shouting into a wind tunnel, so to speak.

Ohhh, poor babies. I have a better idea.

If your point of view can't make it into the communist controlled mainstream media, even though you are a US Senator with instant news coverage at your fingertips twenty-four hours a day, rather that screw with the US Constitution and the most basic of our basic rights, that being the First Amendment, how about if you just FIRE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTORS YOU FATHEADS!

Are you kidding? And we wonder why half the registered voters in America don't vote in most elections?

Then, get this, Chris Wallace asks Feinstein why, if Democrats are in control of Congress and pushing their own agenda, they not only are unable to get their message across, but voter confidence in Congress has dropped to 14 percent, the lowest level ever in the history of polling on Congress.

She responds, here we go again, its THE WAR IN IRAQ! She claims that the Republicans have prevented the Democrats from ending the war by retreating this instant and laying the entirety of the US mainland open to unrelenting terrorist attacks. Well, if the Republicans did in fact prevent us from retreating in Iraq and opening us up to unrelenting terrorist attacks, GOOD FOR THEM!!

Americans don't want retreat in Iraq, they want VICTORY! Got it?

This is one of the stupidest, most pandering, self-absorbed, egotistical examples of the true isolation that comes from spending too much time inside the Washington, D.C., beltway that I have ever witnessed.

Term limits, term limits, term limits, FAIR TAX, term limits, term limits!

Americans may not know every single aspect of the immigration bill as Lott claims, but we know enough of it to know that it is horribly flawed, full of loopholes, won't settle the matter, and should be scrapped. We know that you can start fixing the immigration issue by securing the border, enforcing existing laws on illegal entry to this country, deporting those who are here illegally, and ending all the stupid socialist benefits given to illegals that aren't available to most American citizens.

Enforce what we have, and see how that works. Then if necessary, we'll be open to talk about further legislation. Until then, I don't want to hear any more whining about "I can't get my word out. Boo-hoo, boo-hoo, poor me, poor me."

What a diaper full.

One last thing before I go. This bill, like so many others that grow in the mushroom producing factory we refer to as the US Congress, can only succeed in manure and darkness. That's fine for mushrooms, and I do like mushrooms.

But with mushrooms I know what I'm getting. With Congress, what you see is never what you get.

Like so many others, this bill won't work. If for some whacked out reason, this bill ever passed, you would hear a giant whooshing sound, not unlike the one described when Ross Perot was talking about NAFTA, but this will be from talk radio hosts across the country moving over to satellite radio.

In very short order, AM radio will die, thousands of innocent engineers, receptionists, programmers and related employees will be out of jobs. Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, Laura Ingraham, Melanie Morgan and Lee Rodgers, and dozens if not hundreds of regional talk show hosts will be off the AM radio waves and onto the satellite waves.

Most of these hosts and hostesses already can be heard around the world on the Internet. Moving to a relatively cheap satellite subscription where you can hear what you want without being forced to listen to propaganda, won't be much of a leap.

That is something that the DC insiders should consider very carefully before continuing on this line.

Oh, one other thing. At the end of the Fox News Sunday segment featuring Lott and Feinstein, Fox showed a shot of the two of them wearing seersucker suits, kind of a Pajama Day in Congress I guess.

Lott said they did it to lighten up the mood in Congress because they don't have enough fun in Washington. "We never have a chance to laugh at each other," Lott lamented.

Really? Hell, the rest of us are laughing at these bozos all the time.

I'll tell you what I think would be funny. It would be hilarious if Mrs. Trent Lott sits down and watches a tape of her husband fawning all over the California Senator on that Fox News Sunday segment just before the good senator shows up on the next break or recess.

I think a shot of her meeting him at the door with a cast-iron frying pan upside the head would be absolutely hilarious. Now that would be funny, I don't care who you are. (Yes, I enjoy Larry the Cable Guy. So What?)