Thursday, January 17, 2008

Do Female Suicide Bombers Get Boy Virgins? Al Qaeda Leaders Hiding Behind Their Mommas' Burqas!

Hey, don't go getting all huffy with me over that headline. This is a serious inquiry.

It seems the bad boys in the Al Qaeda leadership have just about exhausted their supply of knuckle dragging, functionally illiterate male suicide bombers who blow themselves and everyone around them to eternity. To replace these hapless, murderous dupes who willingly spread their earthly remains all over the cityscape because they actually believe they will be waited on for the rest of whatever by 72 virgins, our favorite terrorist organizations are now using women!

I don't know if the virgins are supposed to supply sexual favors for the male suicide bombers in addition to their other duties, and if they are it is a self-defeating prophecy, since your average sexually active male would exhaust the supply in short order.

But since Al Qaeda is now dishonoring the very basis of its own philosophy by sending women to fight in place of its "men," it is reasonable to inquire whether the women suicide bombers get the same reward as the men.

Then again, if they do, doesn't this fly in the face of the terrorists' version of femininity? I mean, a woman can get raped, butchered, sexually disfigured, stoned, and scorned just by riding in a car with an unauthorized male. What does that make her if she has an inexhaustible supply of young men - assuming that she would want young men instead of old men - to attend to her sexual needs and desires for ever?

What if she gets to eternity and asks Allah for the same consideration that he gives to males who kill themselves in his name? If a male suicide bomber becomes the ultimate symbol of Muslim manhood by killing innocent women and children, what does that make a woman suicide bomber?

Is Allah going to go hypocrite on her and say "No? I don't think so!"

And I am NOT insulting Islam here.

Everything I have seen and read says that Allah is a just and merciful God. OK. To me, justice and mercy means equal rewards for equal efforts. Or, is that just propaganda from Al Qaeda and the Taliban?

Regardless, what we have here, is a bunch of quintessential losers hiding behind their mommas' burqas! They can't con any more guys to do their dirty work, so now they are using women to do their fighting for them!

Wow! Sign me right up for that group. Yessir! Al Qaeda and the Taliban. We're Looking For A Few Stupid Women (Because We Ran Out of Stupid Boys.)

Can you imagine being a recruiter for that bunch? Do these guys bring portfolios with them, showing the pay and promotion schedule and a complete list of benefits?

"Hey, young dude, young lady! Don't worry about that college education. In Eternity you won't need one!"

Or how about this one ... "Having trouble on the dating scene? Are you ignored, discarded, and disregarded? Well we have the answer to your social woes! One blast of white light, followed by an instant of excruciating pain, and your dreams will come true."

You have to feel sorry for somebody who would fall for a line like that. Still, if they are hiding bombs in their burqas I doubt the average intended victim would care one whit what was motivating the typical suicide bomber. I bet the average intended victim would stomp the living daylights out of the average suicide bomber without one bit of consideration for motivation if they could prevent one of those bombs from going off.

You know, it occurred to me that Iran's nutcase leader, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, aka Green Bean Almondine, really screwed his allies out of a potential supply of suicide bombers when he said there are no homosexuals in Iran. I am not bashing gay people here either. I just think that if they recruited cross-dressing men to dress up in burqas instead of making women do the job for them, they could at least make a stab at retaining their manly dignity.

Is there any such demographic as a gay, cross-dressing Arab Muslim? Well, if there was, they would provide a ready solution for the shortage of straight male suicide bombers, and make a good point for equal treatment at the same time. Except that gay, cross-dressing Arab Muslims would probably have too much self esteem and intelligence to fall for a dumb job like that.

What would they get in eternity as a reward for their sacrifices? Yeah, probably nothing but eternal prejudice.

Getting back to the women, I doubt that there is an extreme religious motivation behind their participation in suicide bombing campaigns. If they have paid attention during their upbringing they probably know that there is no reward for them, earthly or heavenly.

More to the point, the Al Qaeda and Taliban leaders are probably kidnapping children and old people and making the women blow themselves up to save their families. That certainly is more in line with their methodology and history of craven cowardice.

I imagine this will mean that metal detectors now will become commonplace at the entrances to marketplaces and other public forums. But that is a small price to pay to put an end to another reprehensible tactic in the Islamo-terrorists' quest for world dominance.


Anonymous said...

Well look at that. Islam finally found a use for women.

Fred said...

Good one Ron. Maybe they are making women virgins blow themselves up because the supply is running low in heaven and needs replenishing. The latest sales pitch probably goes something like this.

Bertha-al-dumbah-blondah, it has been reported to the Al Qaeda leadership that you are a virgin. Lately, reports out of heaven are that we are running out of virgins up there so we want you to go up there and volunteer. Now to get you up there we are going to strap this little bomb on you and send you over to the market. Don't worry, you can take a couple of watermelons with you. Now, when you get up there, it is your duty to attach yourself to a new boy that we are going to send up as soon as we find 71 additional virgins to join you.

Great blog today!

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