In the days preceding the New Hampshire primary Democratic candidate and former First Person Hillary Clinton was at wits end, trying to figure how to deflect the tsunami of support that was swinging into Barack Obama's camp.
Nothing she said or did seemed to work. Well, that is what the media kept telling us.
We saw Barack at huge rallies where an enthusiastic corps of newly converted supporters chanted and whistled and waved placards proclaiming "Change," while in the Hillary camp there were dwindling crowds, and misstatements by her supporters, especially her husband.
It was dark days for the Hillary campaign. What to do? What to do?
Hillary had a million tricks in her handbag, but she couldn't use them on Barack the way she could on the other guys running against her. Why?
Well, it's obvious. Barack is black! And in Democratic politics, even though they preach equality, you can't criticize a black guy the way you can criticize a white guy.
Especially a "clean, articulate" black guy, as Democrat Joe Biden referred to him. She couldn't bring up his drug use, she couldn't bring up any of the Internet scuttlebutt about his religion. She had to walk on eggshells while he was lobbing bombshells.
Like any other Democrat, Hillary was the victim of her party's excesses. Democrats like their minorities poor, unemployed, uneducated, downtrodden and victimized so they can keep saying they (Democratic politicians) are fighting for them (minorities.)
As long as minorities stay poor, unemployed and uneducated, the Dems can enact program after program, that have to be staffed by thousands of patronage jobs to manage the resultant bureaucracy that exists in reality only to perpetuate itself.
Evidence of this abounds in the Democratic treatment of successful black Americans like Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powell who have been subjected to a real tsunami of negativity from the left wing for not living down to the approved black image.
But here comes Barack Obama who like Rice and Powell, breaks the approved Democratic model, but unlike Rice and Powell, Barack is a Democrat! Whoa, talk about throwing a monkey wrench into the works!
But way too many people had counted Hillary out. She may have been down. She may have been muttering to herself and screaming at her staff. But she was not out.
"Blast that Obama. How can I get him? He tricks us. He steals from us. He wants our PRECIOUS!
They are all against me. Bill is making a fool of me, Rush Limbaugh is posting pictures of the way I look when I get up in the morning all over the Internet. I'd like to see what HE looks like before he has a coffee and the makeup girls get to him. You can bet your ass he wouldn't be running for office!
Why, oh Why, oh 'Why's everybody always picking on me?'"
And in her rage and frustration, Hillary felt a tear trickle down her wrinkled cheek, and like the proverbial light bulb going on over her head, she had an epiphany!
"I am woman, watch me cry."
And in her very next media appearance, the one after she had consumed her morning coffee and the makeup girls had fussed over her aging visage for more than an hour, she recounted the abuses the media and other candidates had been heaping upon her withered brow.
"It's not easy. It's not easy," she lamented. And again, the tear appeared, and Barack Obama was screwed.
So, now what does Barack do? Well, brother, not much.
You should have known this all along since you are married. But you sure know it now. You can NOT fight against a crying woman without looking like the coldest nastiest guy on the planet.
I mean, you can be a real tough guy like Bruce Willis in Die Hard, or Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter. But remember, those guys were out to shoot people, not run for office.
No, Barack, you are now in a married guy's NO MAN'S LAND. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Women. Can't live with them, can't shoot them.
I have little in the way of good information her. I am after all a Republican and my advice usually goes in that direction. I don't agree with Barack Obama on a host of issues, but still, we are guys, and we guys need to stick together in the larger battle of the sexes.
When my wife gets into one of those moods I head right up to the local Legion post, quaff a root beer or two and watch salt water fishing shows on cable TV until things calm down on the home front.
Obviously a political candidate can't do that. But, Barack, you are not without recourse.
I think the best place for advice on this issue is straight from the horse's mouth. No, not Hillary!
Your wife! If you want to fight fire with fire, ask your wife what tactics to use that won't alienate the voters!
You can't use PMS. Hillary is too old for that, but you can't bring up menopause either without losing that segment of the population. No, if there is anyone out there who can figure out how to counter a woman's tears, it is another woman, not a guy.
By the way, Barack, if you figure this out, let the rest of us in on it will you?
Of course, regardless of what method works here, we still have to figure out day by day who we are dealing with. By that I mean is it I am Hillary, hear me roar? Or will today's candidate be I am Hillary, I need a hug?
Wednesday, January 09, 2008