Free Verse Ode On Ann Coulter - For Thompson, Huckabee, and Mark Twain

Ann Coulter tossed her long blond locks, uttered

something inane;

And the lap dogs lapped, while the head bobbers bobbed,

and the fawners fawned;

Fred Thompson!? Mike Huckabee?!

"Fred Sawyer and Huckabee Finn?"

They can't be PRESIDENT!

They aren't US! They are THEM, and thereupon

defined the presidential race,

That only the elite qualify, and only Ann Coulter qualifies

To define the elite.

Huckabee? Thompson?

They aren't from HERE, defining HERE as Boston,

or Manhattan

or inside the DC Beltway.

"They are from THERE"

meaning the rest of America,

That place beyond the Hudson, between Jersey City

and Alameda.

"Fred Sawyer and Huckabee Finn" The Coulter intoned,

invoking ancient memories of a long-dead humorist

who never got closer to Coulter than Hartford

but that didn't matter.

"They are HICKS! They have no RIGHT!"

The race will be

Rudy versus Hillary

The Coulter declared.

"We know them,

We understand them. They are US."

And the lap dogs lapped

and the head bobbers bobbed

and the fawners fawned.

"Of course," they purred,

"We are the elite!"

"We know the answers!"

"We know it all, and the

teleprompter tells me so."

They smiled,

shook off the smugness when

the monitor exposed them,

resumed the conversation.

Ann Coulter ran her fingers through her long, long

Blond hair declared the race for the presidency over,

and the lap dogs lapped, while the head bobbers bobbed,

and the fawners fawned.

And Mark Twain rolled over in his grave

muttering that Ann Coulter would do us all a big favor

if she spent less time talking and more time

white washing fences in

Hannibal, Missouri.