A regular source of wisdom and input on the corporate viewpoint of life tells me that former Pres. Bill Clinton exhibited all the symptoms of a classic henpecked husband when he went into a tirade over Chris Wallace asking him about Osama Bin Laden on Fox News Sunday.
"Every boss I have ever worked for, who made life miserable for his subordinates, invariably had a lousy home life and used his position at work to make up for his frustrations," my source tells me. "In short, if he was an asshole at work, he was henpecked at home."
Well, if that doesn't describe Bill Clinton's behavior on national television I don't know what does.
All you have to do is take a look at his long and stormy marriage to see that this is a perfectly plausible explanation. Why else would you have such a history of allegations of Clinton making passes at other women, assaulting other women, having affairs with other women?
And can you imagine for just a second, if that is what happens to a guy who was PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES what will happen to our country if his wife were to be elected to the same job? Uh-oh. What happens when an entire country becomes henpecked?
You think we have trouble with the Islamo-facists, neo-communists, third world dictators and Jock Chirac now? Try imagining the world situation after three years of the entire country being nagged to distraction. Whew!
And while we're on the subject, let's talk for just a moment about Clinton's (the former president, not the pretender to the throne) explanation that he should be forgiven for not putting the smack down on Osama-baby because "I tried."
Man, that is classic Rush Limbaugh parody material! That my friends, is the end result of elitist upbringing and education. That is what happens when someone teaches you from day one to the present that it is OK to fail, to not do your best, to not succeed, to not really, really compete on the world stage, as long as you "try."
I have something else for him and those who believe that way to try. Try putting that over in any emerging country, in any military unit, in any corporate entity, in any marriage, in fact in any other endeavor anywhere.
"I tried to close that contract, sir, but the other guys were just too good. Can I have my paycheck now?"
"I tried to take that hill, Sir, but the enemy wouldn't let me. Yes, sir, I know they are now raining fire down on our heads because they have the high ground and we don't, but I tried! Can I have that promotion now?"
"I tried to ignore that other woman's perfume, and cleavage, and slit skirt and supple thighs, and come-hither look, dear. I did try. Can we skip marriage counseling and just go to bed now, honey?"
Yeah, try that crap out in the real world. I dare you. Next time the taxi takes me within 10 blocks of skid row I'll have the driver stop so I can give you a quarter.
When Bill Clinton was in his second term he tried to put an end to questions on the Monica Lewinsky scandal -- right after the "I did not have ..." commentary, by saying that he was going to get back to working for the American people.
I have news for all presidents past, present and future. The American people did not, do not and will not elect you to TRY. Those elected to the highest office in the most advanced and powerful nation ever to exist on this planet are elected to SUCCEED!
Anything less than success is unacceptable and if that bar is set too high for you then you might remember Ted Knight's line from the movie Caddyshack. "The world needs ditch diggers too."
Even Clinton's whining about Richard Clarke and his tenure as America's only terrorism expert being demoted by George Bush smacks of this philosophy. Clinton makes the point that Clarke was on board from the Reagan administration through Bush I, both of Clinton's terms, and then was demoted by the current President Bush.
Clinton says this was not fair because under Clarke's tutelage "We probably nearly got Bin Laden?"
"We probably nearly got?" What the hell is that? Probably nearly? Is that some form of New English verb conjugation?
If Clarke was the preeminent American terrorism expert for all those years, and those years were marked by increasingly daring, increasingly effective and constantly escalating attacks on Americans at home and abroad, and we were no further along in stopping it, then RICHARD CLARKE SURE AS HELL SHOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED!! Either he didn't know what was going on, or he didn't have the communications skills to get the attention of people who could take appropriate action. Either way the end is the same and it was time for new blood and new thinking.
But Clinton runs on about how unfair it was to Richard Clarke.
Somebody call the WAAAAAAMBULANCE!!! (Thanks to Bruce Willis in The Kid.)
I don't think we have ever had a better example of the type of thinking that got us attacked in the first place. With representation like that in the world arena it's no wonder every two-bit punk and bully in every backwater hell hole on earth thinks he can kick sand in our face and get away with it.
It is time for Bill Clinton to take a long hard look at his life and make some drastic changes. Forget marriage counseling it is way past time for that. It is time for him to get his own place, start cultivating his own friends, get a gym membership and start working out.
A new outlook, some real accomplishments and regular exercise-induced endorphins will do wonders for his mental state. And America will be safer for it.
Monday, September 25, 2006