Have you seen the TV commercial that takes blaming George Bush for everything bad in the world out beyond the stratosphere, the one that says George Bush Stop the Genocide in Darfur?
As if the deplorable situation in that unfortunate African country started just after he took office, and as if previous American administrations had nothing to do with it? Good grief, give me a break. The situation there has been developing for decades and it was ignored for years here in America before the current rush to exploit it for political purposes. This is just sickening, and I seriously doubt that commercials like that one or any others like it will have a meaningful impact on public sentiment.
If the world really wants a strong police force to step in and stop sectarian, religious, racial and ethnic violence whenever and wherever it rears its ugly head then the Untied Nations should start acting and stop talking.
But it won't and the vicious bastards who perpetrate these atrocities will go on unchecked, and they do so because they are acting on a truth rather than a marketing concept. That truth is simply that the United States can't and won't respond to every atrocity in every country in the world.
The truth is we don't have the military forces to do so, and the American public would never support such a role anyway. And the truth is that the Untied Nations is just a paper tiger and feel-good organization for out-of-work foreign political operatives.
But we do have an opportunity to do some good in a place the American public can and probably will support, so I am hereby calling on President George Bush to STOP THE GENOCIDE IN NORTH KOREA! Once again Kim Jong ILL, the nutcase in charge of the poorest, most pathetic, downtrodden modern country on the face of the earth has spit in everyone's face, and once again the Untied Nations is nattering and hand-wringing and once again absolutely nothing will be accomplished.
For a day or so after ILL may have set off an atomic bomb, or not depending on which scientific readings and monitoring devices you believe, everyone was expressing shock and outrage and angrily threatening to really, really do something about it this time. Everyone was on board - until they actually sat down and wrote something up and then - surprise, surprise, surprise, China and Russia started having misgivings.
Yeah, because they can't actually punish one of their puppets for doing what they told him to do in the first place, now can they? And how much punishment can you impose on a country where the leader eats and drinks like a pig while the populace gnaws at tree trunks hoping to get nutrition out of the bark?
No, to make this work we have to accept some basic facts. The first is, ILL doesn't give a hoot about the welfare of the people in the poorest, most ignorant, downtrodden, hopelessly illiterate modern country on the face of the earth.
He only cares about his own sorry rear end, and getting every single thing he can for himself at the expense of everything and everyone else, at home and abroad. He plays the puppet to the Chinese and Russians because they need a surrogate to hassle the United States and the Untied Nations, where everyone really knows what is going on but due to a complicated set of B.S., or excuse me, diplomatic rules, they all make believe North Korea is acting on its own.
But make no mistake about it. He is pulling the strings more than it would appear and if China or Russia gets in his face anytime after he turns weapons technology into actual weapons, he won't hesitate to radiate their cities too.
Thus, for the US to intercede here, we have to approach this situation from the standpoint of what can we do to him that will get his attention, but that won't put further stress on the already devastated populace.
So we have to ask ourselves, what does Kim Jong ILL want that we can take away? Well, he is a drunken pervert with a known affinity for French wine, cognac, and Scotch whisky, as well as porno movies. So what do we do? Bomb his wine cellar, stem the flow of cognac and convince the Scots not to export to his country? Hey, whatever it takes.
We could use magnetic interference devices to scramble all his porno films and jam any TV signals that would give him access to Skin-A-Max. We could really freak this guy out, and the best thing about freaked out madmen is that they act even more irrationally which gives everyone else, included spineless UN diplomats, a reason to euthanize him (like that one?) like a rabid dog.
That, in the final analysis is the best solution we have for dealing with a drunken, perverted schizo.
The blame game that is going on in Washington, D.C., isn't getting anything done either, and it is long past time to get something done. Yes, Ex-President Bill Clinton and his administration have some responsibility because they really did trust a manipulative, perverted, mentally ill jerk, and gave him nuclear technology, equipment and money based on his promise to use it only to develop electricity.
Clinton gave ILL the tools, and accepted the promise from a madman that they would only be used for peaceful purposes. This makes Ex-Secretary of State Madeline Albright and Bill Clinton two of the most gullible people to ever lead the United States.
I guess considering the elitist background of most Clintonites they can't be blamed for not knowing when they were being scammed, since ILL started working on developing a nuclear bomb almost before the ink was dry on the agreement. But scammed they were and as a result a screwed-up national leader is on the verge of having nuclear weapons.
Can you imagine the scene in the North Korean capital just minutes before that bomb went off?
ILL had just finished off a bottle of Johnny Walker Red and was screaming at his minions to get him a bottle of the Blue, which some scotch drinkers say is Johnny Walker's best product. He is swirling the ice cubes in his drink glass, taking big slugs every few minutes and muttering to himself "Bush my ass. Screw the Chinese. Hey Russia, how do you like those apples!"
"General, give me that button and don't you dare touch it first."
Then after a few more snorts, he starts giggling uncontrollably and flicks the switch, uttering one of those eternal statements that the media records for all posterity, "Hey Albright! Eat my shorts!"
But Clinton administration failures notwithstanding, we also have an obligation to do something substantive, now, and this falls into George Bush's lap. Want to see his approval numbers skyrocket? Forget this Untied Nations crap and take some definitive action, unilaterally or whatever. Just do it, and do it right! America doesn't care about the Chinese reaction, or the Russian reaction, and most Americans are sick to death of Kofi Anan and his duplicity. So just go get the damn job done!
This is the opportune time to finish the job that was started in 1950. History shows the MacArthur was right in wanting to finish the war instead of settling for a truce, and Truman's containment plan, which Eisenhower went along with, only delayed the inevitable.
But unlike the 1950s when China was an all-out enemy, that country now has more reasons to not resupply or support the North Koreans. We have full diplomatic relations with China, ongoing business arrangements, and they really are hard pressed to define any benefits to their country stemming from continued support of North Korea.
I keep hearing about the North Korean army, a million strong and how difficult it would be to fight so many troops. Terrain-wise yes, and Seoul, the capital of South Korea, also is vulnerable - to a point. But this is a million-man army that is on the verge of starvation, and the bulk of the soldiers are in the army because they are forced into it, and it represents their best shot at getting food for their families.
Take that into account, along with the fact that to defeat us they have to move out into the open en masse, where we have gazillions of weapons especially designed to eliminate troop formations and suddenly it isn't so formidable. What do you say to a quarter-million screaming North Koreans running headlong at Seoul?
Four words. MOAB. (Oh go look it up.) For the purposes of this column Mother Of All Bombs will suffice.
The point here is, diplomacy hasn't changed a thing in more than 50 years. Whackos are still whackos and letting these fools influence human actions and thus human history amounts to being as off the wall as they are.
Sometimes you just have to fight the schoolyard bully. Sometimes the schoolyard bully is not the biggest guy in the schoolyard, just the craziest. But whack-jobs bleed just like normal people. It is time for ILL to bleed.
Friday, October 13, 2006